My dad texted me a couple times over the past 2 weeks almost begging me to attend his wedding. I wished him well, but reminded him that I would not be there.
Wedding day arrived. Another text from dad. And another from my husband. Both asking if I’d be there.
That night, I decided the very least I could do was call my dad to see how the day went. He said it was OK. The courthouse ceremony started out just fine. The wife even had family members come from out of state to support her. Her two youngest children were also in attendance.
My dad only had one person present: my sister.
So everything was fine, until…
About halfway through the ceremony, my sister completely lost it. It was that uncontrollable bawling– snot-dripping, can’t-catch-your-breath type of cries. My dad even said the judge warned her that she’d be in contempt of court if she couldn’t pull herself together. She gathered herself, and through the tears she apologized profusely to her new step-mom about the sudden, unexpected outburst. My dad started crying too, telling her that he knows this is all strange, but it’s for the better.
Again, I wasn’t there. My dad was telling me all this.
As he went on and on, I could literally feel my heart crumbling into pieces. I cried as he continued to talk on the phone, but he doesn’t know that.
I still don’t regret not supporting my dad on his wedding day. But I could KILL myself for not being there to support my sister. Then again, had I been there, it probably would have been even worse because I would have cried like a baby, too.
My sister has always been non-emotional, like me. We both have pretty hardcore, cold personalities. But in times of distress and loss of control, I am the one who breaks down–not her. I don’t break down often at all, but it has happened. I never in a million years thought she’d react that way.
So now I’m feeling pretty shitty.
Shitty because my sister’s outburst will be what my dad, his new wife and her family will remember about that day.
Shitty because I wasn’t there in solidarity with my sister.
Shitty because I wonder how that day will affect my sister psychologically.
Also, when speaking to my dad, he made me say hello to his new wife. Over the phone, her voice was… different from when I met her a few weeks ago. Back then, she seemed polite and hopeful. Now, on her wedding night, she sounded dry. Monotone. Indifferent. Unenthusiastic. Quiet. Unhappy.
Our conversation lasted all of 20 seconds.
I’m not sure if her attitude was because she knows I’m not on board with her joining my family, or if she was still in a funk due to my sister’s sad outburst at her ceremony.
Man, I need a drink.